Monday, April 27, 2009

Hedgehog (an actual, unedited IM conversation between myself and my sister)

MaryLynn: Hedgehog. Yeah, you heard me.

me: no.
you can't mean

MaryLynn: yes, I'm afraid it's true

me: wow
I mean
I always knew
but I never expected

MaryLynn: You know what this means, right? We will have to... take steps.

me: what will you do now?
steps must be taken
certain...drastic measures

MaryLynn: Can you make the preperations for me?

me: I'm afraid not
this is something you must do

MaryLynn: I'm just... not sure if I can... It's just too much for me

me: for yourself

MaryLynn: Help me, Hanni, you are my only hope!
I mean, honestly... the prophecies have foretold... and now, hedgehog...

me: deep down inside, though, you know this something you must do
and I know you have the strength

MaryLynn: Alright. Can you bring me... THE CHEESE BALL OF DOOM please?

me: are...are you sure you're prepared?
do you need a little time to think about this?

I mean, you have options, surely?

MaryLynn: do you think maybe THE CHEESE BALL OF DOOM is overkill?

me: it might indeed, be overkill
perhaps merely the crackers of imminent peril ?

MaryLynn: perchance.

But only in conjunction with the /wine of complaining/

me: here, I bring them to you on a platinum plated silver platter cast in the shape of a steep hill

MaryLynn: No!
you must not!

me: oh my! you are right

MaryLynn: yay verily, the imminent peril is overly enhanced by the platinum!

me: perhaps the gold & emerald encrusted basket with lavender ribbons?

MaryLynn: nay, the lavender ribbons simply will not do.

me: but the lavender ribbons add a softening touch
and they go so nicely with your robe of cerimoniousness

MaryLynn: aaah, true, true.
'tis important to match the robe.

me: perhaps the risk of the lavender ribbons would be lessened if I tucked a watermelon flavored gummi bear in the bow?

MaryLynn: hmmm, that might do. Only so long as the bow is tied in a sailors knot, and you hold your breath while tying it.

me: that I can do
that, but no more!

MaryLynn: or else who knows what might happen!

me: for, as I said, you must face this task on your own

MaryLynn: ah yes. with no assistance at all

me: none

MaryLynn: *sigh *

me: no matter how convincingly the Scottish sheep argue

MaryLynn: ack, they are mighty persuasive

me: beware their fiendish baahs

MaryLynn: and bleats

me: and remember.

MaryLynn: *shudder *
I shall be strong, my dearest.
I shall endure.
And now, I must be off, for this cannot wait.
The basket?

me: here it is, I hand it to you with my left hand turned sideways
in the Persian manner

MaryLynn: standing on your left foot alone?

me: my left foot and my left foot only

MaryLynn: ah, good.
I accept the basket with my eyebrows raised and my nose crinkled, holding it precisely betwixt the second and fifth fingers of the right hand.

me: as is only proper

MaryLynn: and now repeat the ceremonial words after me "Yon is the day of the hedgehog, beware all ye eaters of crackers, for your time cometh. The day is near and the gummi bear is at the door. Prepare yourselves!"

me: "Yon is the day of the hedgehog, beware all ye eaters of crackers, for your time cometh. The day is near and the gummi bear is at the door. Prepare yourselves!"

MaryLynn: And so it is, and so it shall be. Farewell, dear sister! Until I return, victoriously or in a small box!

me: a tear slides down my cheek
I wipe it off, with my paisley kerchif